If you could rewind time...

[The heart of stone]

I know that going through a sexual assault is difficult. I have been through 1.5 (I do not really count my second one). I feel that if these would not have happened I would not be the person I am today. I believe myself to be mature and very independent. I contribute a lot of me, my core, to the bad things that have happened. I almost think I would be a pile of emotional slop without them. I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself or others, I would not have seen the world.... I might have gone to College though (just maybe). My assault took place almost 20 years ago so I have had time to adjust and lock away discomforting things. 

If you could rewind time to before your assault, would you change your future or leave it as is? Is the person you have become with the knowledge, backbone, and power less than the trauma from your assault?

[#nolongervictimsadmin]

Honestly I think it's made me a stronger person mentally to some extent. Yes I went bat shit crazy while on deployment & on my shore command to get medically discharged. However, with what that CO said about how it was victims fault for becoming victims that right there made me get out of my denial & realize that it wasn't my fault that this happened. Granted that was a month ago but it made me finally get over somethings. So as of today being a good mental day for me I'd have to say I'd leave my past as is. I strongly think that you're put in situations that no matter what you'll be able to handle. It might not be right away but you'll get there. I still however, am very passive & a huge pushover. So that will be something I need to work on but other than that I take this as a way to get stronger and say I was a survivor not a victim.